How come every time I think about writing a music post it turns into a confession?
I’m feeling pretty guilty about the way things are progressing. People are asking me, “when’s your next show?” and I’m telling them I don’t know. But I have other dreams too, you know. Not just music. I have the reasons why I wanted to play music in the first place; not to be famous rolling in riches but to simply be communicating with others lost or unrealized ideas. I find myself searching for other ways to do this aside from music now…
Plus, let’s be honest, music isn’t making me any money right now and here I am, almost 26, living hand to mouth. Maybe I should be refocusing my efforts on more money-making endeavors, or my “back-up plan”. Ugh, I truly have come to hate that phrase, I almost can’t believe I wrote it. It sets me up for failure in whatever I’m attempting to back-up.
With that said, I miss my music playing… Little things like tooling around with one chord to see what I can make with it. Privately playing a three chord repeat and singing whatever comes to mind. I’m not brave enough to put up one of those recordings so for now this one will have to do:
I HAVE A SHOW TONIGHT!
And, no big deal, it’s at the House of Blues…!
I feel so much more prepared for this one than ever, which is funny because it’s the one that should make me most nervous. House of Friggin’ Blues, baby!
I’m burning demos, halfway through my set list, and the ever important question of “what to wear” has been answered. I’ve got a new, kickass guitar. And I’ve got the biggest support system coming out to be there. I also updated my website with new pictures, a new layout, and my new demo songs!
I’m most excited about the fact that I have my demo, printed and ready to give out at my show. I very much needed to feel like I had a product to produce in time for this show. I didn’t want to come out looking unprofessional or small-time… though that’s pretty much what I am. Still, I am proud about my accomplishments and I think that’s primarily why I’m not “throw-up-I-wanna-die” nervous.
Plus, check out one of my badass covers that I’ll be playing tonight:
Take Me Home Tonight
I am thrilled to finally have a professionally recorded, mixed, and mastered demo. You’ll have to wait to hear it but for now, I can show you where we made the magic happen:
I am so excited. Stay “tuned” for updates… Badum cha…
There’s something I must admit. On Thursday, I had a little show at Club Good Hurt. It was the first performance I’ve done since January… Seriously, that’s crazy, right? What have I been doing with myself for the past five friggin’ months?
I have no idea.
Um, this blog was meant to support and foster my music aspirations. And yet, in the week leading up to and the day following, I focused on everything but my music. It is interesting what fear and stress can do to a person’s dreams and goals.
I’m going to try to push on through anyway.
Thursday was awesome. About 30 of my friends/fans were there (the friends and fans are pretty much one in the same right now, which is how I like it). The sound guy kept flubbing my stuff but I think I rolled with the punches pretty well. I decided to not stress about it and while deciding to do something and actually following through are two separate things, I learned once more how unnecessary it is to stress (some things are just ever-repeating lessons). I borrowed a guitar from the main act and a strap from the one I followed. Seriously, most unprepared musician award goes to me. Or most resourceful/persuasive musician award… Yeah, let’s go with that.
But let’s address the fears. All I could think of when I was on stage was “STOP MESSING UP” and “YOU CAN’T DO BAR CHORDS.” But when the lights would stop seizing momentarily and the smoke machine would take a breath, I’d see the happy faces in the crowd of loved ones and relax.
People always ask me, “Don’t you get more nervous because it’s people you know?” I always say it’s the strangers who scare me. They don’t already have a first impression of me. They don’t know who I am and won’t be as forgiving as the people who care about me. I have to prove that I’m not just a girl who thinks she can pick up a guitar and sing about boys and people will think “isn’t she pretty?” I have to prove that I love music. And I love being about music. And I don’t just wanna be the next goddamn American Idol.
So I finally picked a recording place. He’s all the way in Silverlake… Oh, the sacrifices we must make for our craft! Really, though, this is big. This is me admitting that I can do this. This little thing is tangible and wonderful and exciting and all I need. As a friend once recalled to me the other day, “Shoot for the stars and you’ll land on the moon.” Well I like that idea too but I think I’m gonna shoot for the moon. And land there too.